i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize