Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
