Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
