I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
