You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Four minutes until I can fart!
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Drunk is a universal language darling
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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