I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
