the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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