I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
it glows. i had to have it.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
