every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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