I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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