question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
