Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
wow bdsm is so cute
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