the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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