she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
