I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
