there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
