I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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