dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
