Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
