Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
