No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
