Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
