The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
