I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
