I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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