My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
