please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
