a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
