bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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