two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
i believe in u and ur pee
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
