I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
