Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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