mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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