Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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