And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
