I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Can you bring me the toilet please
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
