the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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