so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
