u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
