god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
