I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
