is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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