The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I will pee on everything he values.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Dick very happy bro
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
