wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
