i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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