So drunk its hurt
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
