fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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