It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
