I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
