I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
this just has baby written all over it
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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