there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
