You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I yelled at your uterus for you.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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