i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
