Having a random hookup so left but love u
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
